Have Mercy On Us
by Apurva
Summary: Edward and Bella hate every fan fiction writer on the planet. They take out their frustrations on us in this one BIG RANT. "Welcome to our world. Do you think being a character is easy?" They challenge you to reply to their questions. Read if you dare.


**Disclaimer: **This is a Twilight one-shot based on _the_ _Twilight_ _Saga_ written by Mrs Stephenie Meyer. It is a short piece of fan fiction where Edward and Bella complain and grumble their hearts out. All characters and events in this fan fiction, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead; is purely coincidental. The author is in no way affiliated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. This fan fiction contains some mature material which some readers may find offensive. Parental discretion is advised. No part of this one-shot may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the author, nor be otherwise circulated in any form other than that in which it is available. The author is in no way liable to any readers or establishments whatsoever.

All rights reserved.

Copyright © 2011 by Apurva.

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

**Have Mercy on Us **

**By Apurva**

Characters: Bella & Edward

Genre: Parody/ Spoof/ Humour

Rating: M

Word Count: 1107

Uh... hey. We are Bella/ Isabella/ Isa/ Marie/ Izzy... Marie Swan/ Cullen/ Black/ Uley/ Young/ Ateara/ Call/ Dwyer/ Higginbotham/ Hale/ Evenson/ Platt/ Masen/ McCarty/ Whitlock/ Clearwater/ Brandon/ Voltaire... and Edward/ Anthony/ Eddy/ Eddie/ Ed/ Jerkward/ Darkward/ Assward/ Stupidward/ Idiotward... Anthony Cullen/ Masen/ Hale/ Call/ Uley/ Clearwater/ Young/ Swan/ Brandon/ McCarty/ Whitlock/ Higginbotham/ Platt/ Black/ Ateara/ Voltaire/ Dwyer/ Evenson...

Don't fucking laugh.

Ahem... We are Isabella Marie 'Bella' Cullen (née Swan) and Edward Anthony Cullen (formerly Masen). Our mother creator, beloved Mrs. Stephenie Meyer (née Morgan) lovingly created us. We were so happy with her. She had encased us affectionately into our own little world of 'The Twilight Saga'. Though we were not always happy, we knew we would be triumphant as our wonderful Stephenie knew just how to please us in the end.

Everything was perfect and delightful.

Until…

Someone wrote a fucking 'Twilight fan fiction'.

We were suddenly chucked into a world of disgustingly happy or disgustingly average or simply disgusting situations, awful people, time period changes, age changes, accent changes, nationality changes, job changes, wardrobe changes, hair colour changes, eye colour changes, height changes, weight changes, name changes, surname changes, parent changes, relationship changes, multiple personality and intellect capacity changes… we were simply sent into a land of utter confusion.

First some fucking person wrote a Twilight fan fiction and suddenly the 'Twilight fan fiction writing bug' was spread into an ocean of stupid teenagers, even stupider preteens, sentimental/ horny middle-aged mothers, antique old girls and even senseless as well as good for nothing boys and men.

Our life became so fucking confusing!

Do you have any fucking idea how tough it is to be living multiple lives?

At one moment we are happily discussing about our children, the next moment we are in jail, the next moment we are vampires and suddenly we are human!

At one moment we are dancing to 'Womanizer' by Britney Spears and at the next moment we are singing "Do you want to be an American Idiot?" along with Billie Joe Armstrong at a Green Day concert!

At times we are having tea at a porch in 18th century England, and at the next second we are two junkies high on marijuana?

At one instant, we're American, and at the next moment we are Australian?

At times, we are so rich that we have no mental peace, and at times we are so poor that we are dying of starvation?

At times we are sitting with our parents, happily watching television and eating popcorn; and at the next moment we are two refugees trying to sneak illegitimately into some other country?

Oh, you have no motherfucking idea how it feels like!

In some circumstances, old ladies in another world will reproach us saying-

"Mind your language! You are in the presence of ladies here!"

In some situations, we will be called a 'wuss' for avoiding swear words!

Do you know how mentally exhausting and irritating it is when you are a young person at a moment, and worrying about your wrinkles/ lying on your deathbed at the next moment?

It is so mentally stressful to take care of our thousands of children! There are so many Edward Juniors, Anthonys, Masens, Masons, Isabella Juniors, Isobels, Annabels, Maries… and we don't think that even God knows how many children we have! Because we are so busy thinking about our several thousands of children all the time, we aren't able to give our real child, darling little Renesmee Carlie any time at all!

But, the children are far better than the trillions of relatives and friends we have. We have gazillions of relatives, friends in addition to acquaintances and it is so strenuous to keep track of all of them!

Most of the fan fictions are essentially identical. We meet each other, either love each other or hate each other at the first sight, start a relationship, have a huge problem(s), are reunited again or are separated forever. Finally, we either live happily ever after or live in pain forever. We relive these situations time and again. It feels like if someone is playing the same song to us persistently.

We live our lives under a tremendous amount of pressure and we are physically, mentally as well as emotionally drained… Handling so many traumas is more than enough; and we are even more distressed when slovenly and slothful people, mostly irresponsible, immature writers, offer us a rushed goodbye, (sometimes don't even say goodbye to us) and quit writing their respective fan fictions. Moreover, they just leave us hanging there with things to tie up! They leave some of our lives incomplete and we have to go back to these unfinished lives and recreate them repeatedly according to the last chapter over and over again. It is so appallingly aggravating! There are no words to describe the emotions we feel all the time.

Fortunately, most of the people complete their fan fictions at one point or the other and we can discontinue living those lives. But the fact is that more fan fictions are written than are finished! Approximately, we finish ten lives each week, but start no less than eighty of them each day! We are so goddamn tired all the time!

We so much prefer one-shots or two-shots than full-fledged fan fictions. We can quickly get them over with and it's actually kind of fun being in them at times. But fan fictions go on boundlessly and take so long to finish. It gets so fatiguing!

Hence, the next time you are about to start writing a new fan fiction, please consider writing a one-shot, a two-shot or at least a short fan fiction. Or if you do want to write a long fan fiction, as a minimum, complete it! The next time you all complain to your readers that it is "so tough to write a fan fiction" or "I have a terrible writer's block", please think about our condition. If not for our sake, delete that fan fiction for the readers' sake. They won't be able to see the incomplete fan fiction and thus, will not be angry that you didn't finish it. Also, we will be able to get out of that endless chain of repeating the same events. It will be a win-win situation.

So the next time you whine that it is tough being an author of a fan fiction, try being a character in a fan fiction like us for a change!

…And oh! One more important thing.

Whenever you write a new Twilight fan fiction, we are begging you, please _have mercy on us_!


End file.
